The Balance Un Tipped

Two days to the South
I looked myself in the path
It seems the winds had swept
A mixed thought I thought the sand had kept

Warm rays beat the ground
Words around
Lighting glows I found
Boy, in this, can I drown

Why had I walked from this rivers
Of the pleasure it givers
The jot of hot sun delivers
With moans too, that grievers

Stacks of words in a year
For the work I can hold dear
Seen by flickerness of the wind
it may all be an unfulfilled dream

Packaged thoughts
Pain and worry
Use the line
All these game I sight
I wonder where I can light
Admist the blight

Yet yearning
The excitement forthcoming
In this seemingly homecoming
How can I be receiving
With the balance lie untipping
-- 09/04/09

Commentary

I went back to Melbourne in April 2009 to give my final PhD seminar and to finish up the last chapter of my the-sis. This poem was penned on the second day when I visited Kevin in Deakin University and sat in for his lab meeting – after a year. Looking at the scrib-bling on the whiteboard and all the discussions flows, I realized that I missed all of these. And I thought that I had made the decision not to do full time research. Little did I know, the winds blowing outside the glass panel had just unearthed all of these again. For all the grant chasing I had seen so far, I thought I had convinced myself not to go for it again. I remembered telling myself that for all the efforts I can put into grant writing, how many am I going to get? It is quite bleak. But yet, at this very moment, at this most unsuspecting time, it got un-leashed in me again. Will this be the start of another un-tipping?